Do you ever feel anxious and not know why? I hate when people ask “what are you anxious about?” or “what are you worrying about?”. I have no idea!
So I have work tomorrow, I’m back after a lovely Christmas/New Years. I love my job. The people are great and the experience I’m getting is invaluable! So why have I spent most of my time off worrying and feeling anxious about going back?
I’ve always been a worrier, sometimes so much in that getting out of my seat to get off the bus is an ordeal. It’s the strangest feeling in the world having anxiety and not knowing why. It’s impossible to explain it to somebody who hasn’t experienced it. When it’s bad, it’s awful. It feels like your awaiting some terrible news or you’re about to find out something awful has happened to a loved one. You search your mind for something, anything you can think of that may be worrying you, the cause, but you can’t find anything!
I have a family who care a lot about me and a boyfriend who I truly love so I always have someone to talk to when I start to feel anxious, but is it there really any point? I feel like after a while people get bored of it, which is fair enough. I think educating yourself about the causes of anxiety, seeing a counsellor and trying to find the source of your anxiety are the most important things you can do to try and fight it. It can be hard to do when you’re really on edge but crying and getting upset really helps me. It relieves some of my stress and makes me start to feel normal again (what is normal?, I know). I remember once, a few years ago, I couldn’t cry for 4 months. I tried, but literally couldn’t.
So as I said, I’m starting back at work tomorrow. I only have a few hours before I will go to bed and then get up at 6.20 am. But I will try my hardest to enjoy it and not worry about anything! I’ll probably fail and get upset before I got to bed. I’ll then probably wake up, go to work and have a grand old day and then regret wasting the time I had left worrying, but sure, this is the way I am and always have been!
Anxiety is something that can be controlled, I just need to learn how to control it.